I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
