just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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