ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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