I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
