I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How external is "for external use only"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
