you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
