What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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