i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
