You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
