god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
