Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
