i just had sex bonerless
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pray to the hookup gods
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
