im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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