i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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