Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
