So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
