I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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