Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
