i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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