I looked at my own cervix.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
