I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
