i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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