This is not my ceiling
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
