I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
