I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
