Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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