I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Randomize
