terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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