You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
