I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
