Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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