Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
