I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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