I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
