You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
