I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
