I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
