My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
