He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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