another moral hangover. fuck.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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