Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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