i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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