She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there was a trapeze. enough said
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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