Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
