Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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