3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
