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It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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