YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
