no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
