The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
