How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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