she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
